so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
