I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
