i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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