I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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