somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
