Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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