Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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