I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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