u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
