i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
