she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
