the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
