Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
