how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
