She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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