i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
