It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
