when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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