I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
