Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
