I'm gonna have a badass scar
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
