You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
