Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
