I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
