ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
