i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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