cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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