Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
