I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
