you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
