um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
