he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
