I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
