I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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