Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
