the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
