went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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