your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
