Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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