I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
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