He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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