I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
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Sober January is a disaster.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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