My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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