Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".

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  (402): I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis". http://tfl.nu/dn08
  Replies (17) Good night (725) Bad night (6529)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting

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  (305): best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting http://tfl.nu/0qs3
  Replies (9) Good night (2109) Bad night (544)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.

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  (407): Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child. http://tfl.nu/79c5
  Replies (50) Good night (693) Bad night (5926)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.

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  (956): And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice. http://tfl.nu/wqun
  Replies (43) Good night (867) Bad night (3411)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?

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  (401): Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried? http://tfl.nu/xci2
  Replies (14) Good night (3900) Bad night (1485)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.

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  (612): i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese. http://tfl.nu/swul
  Replies (4) Good night (1688) Bad night (572)
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  (530): View more from California

  We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."

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  (530): We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out." http://tfl.nu/0tb5
  Replies (3) Good night (3630) Bad night (880)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.

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  (270): I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/aek1
  Replies (2) Good night (594) Bad night (1260)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.

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  (602): If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for. http://tfl.nu/540a
  Replies (17) Good night (1704) Bad night (432)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!

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  (210): Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together! http://tfl.nu/bu70
  Replies (3) Good night (1219) Bad night (495)
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  (227): View more from Maryland

  I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.

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  (227): I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are. http://tfl.nu/7vs1
  Replies (4) Good night (1487) Bad night (453)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.

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  (623): I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future. http://tfl.nu/v5m6
  Replies (10) Good night (1633) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  That's horrible but hilarious

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm going to miss college.

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  (407): Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else. (1-407): That's horrible but hilarious (407): I'm going to miss college. http://tfl.nu/1mp1
  Replies (4) Good night (527) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me

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  (425): I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me http://tfl.nu/4rz8
  Replies (4) Good night (667) Bad night (313)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?

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  (251): So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"? http://tfl.nu/3mzm
  Replies (5) Good night (476) Bad night (294)

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