Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How unfortunate for your Mom.

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  (847): My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein. (1-847): How unfortunate for your Mom. http://tfl.nu/e7p2
  Replies (33) Good night (820) Bad night (3828)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool

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  (920): Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool http://tfl.nu/i9nx
  Replies (10) Good night (934) Bad night (2174)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.

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  (312): just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes. http://tfl.nu/gk7e
  Replies (15) Good night (1565) Bad night (3679)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.

  (315): View more from New York

  You would pick up a guy in AA.

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  (443): He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me. (315): You would pick up a guy in AA. http://tfl.nu/v9fc
  Replies (12) Good night (3902) Bad night (1093)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?

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  (281): Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"? http://tfl.nu/nflv
  Replies (13) Good night (5125) Bad night (1214)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.

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  (330): If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor. http://tfl.nu/a98x
  Replies (8) Good night (3999) Bad night (1709)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"

  (239): View more from Florida

  I am the fairy godmother of the drink.

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  (724): I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED" (239): I am the fairy godmother of the drink. http://tfl.nu/ryur
  Replies (3) Good night (2376) Bad night (782)
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  (805): View more from California

  You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.

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  (805): You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like. http://tfl.nu/70wr
  Replies (14) Good night (831) Bad night (1320)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay

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  (519): Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay http://tfl.nu/j10h
  Replies (4) Good night (2557) Bad night (606)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.

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  (501): You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed. http://tfl.nu/yh1d
  Replies (4) Good night (1177) Bad night (510)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  We don't watch enough power rangers

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  (305): We don't watch enough power rangers http://tfl.nu/xqyy
  Replies (7) Good night (816) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  That's true love, there.

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  (701): Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.' (701): That's true love, there. http://tfl.nu/22yh
  Replies (0) Good night (974) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.

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  (202): I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part. http://tfl.nu/p8tj
  Replies (2) Good night (536) Bad night (1191)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.

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  (503): It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds. http://tfl.nu/d7uw
  Replies (0) Good night (664) Bad night (341)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.

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  (801): Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie. http://tfl.nu/zza2
  Replies (0) Good night (190) Bad night (470)

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