Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Ur type is ready and willing

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  (503): PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type... (515): Ur type is ready and willing http://tfl.nu/9xaj
  Replies (13) Good night (1782) Bad night (711)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together

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  (713): Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together http://tfl.nu/ix8i
  Replies (15) Good night (1746) Bad night (2695)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.

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  (706): well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun. http://tfl.nu/hotb
  Replies (28) Good night (4398) Bad night (816)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...

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  (512): Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame... http://tfl.nu/p4qb
  Replies (10) Good night (1165) Bad night (3413)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

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  (630): Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind" http://tfl.nu/dke2
  Replies (17) Good night (5066) Bad night (1109)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.

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  (702): Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies. http://tfl.nu/viog
  Replies (7) Good night (3971) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.

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  (541): You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night. http://tfl.nu/2m2y
  Replies (6) Good night (4607) Bad night (1196)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it

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  (910): he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it http://tfl.nu/qxjz
  Replies (13) Good night (3983) Bad night (1413)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  Oh God. You're going to jail

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  (352): The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals. (1-352): Oh God. You're going to jail http://tfl.nu/m7qu
  Replies (30) Good night (6221) Bad night (1729)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"

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  (727): I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head" http://tfl.nu/dap3
  Replies (8) Good night (2806) Bad night (730)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  This theraflu would make for a great margarita.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  I can make a sudafedarita

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  (757): This theraflu would make for a great margarita. (1-757): I can make a sudafedarita http://tfl.nu/10lx
  Replies (5) Good night (1726) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong

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  (903): I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong http://tfl.nu/enrc
  Replies (4) Good night (889) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.

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  (541): Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing. http://tfl.nu/bqm2
  Replies (1) Good night (506) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?

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  (870): I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more? http://tfl.nu/o5o8
  Replies (3) Good night (636) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.

  (1-714): View more from California

  I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass

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  (714): He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy. (1-714): I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass http://tfl.nu/19re
  Replies (0) Good night (786) Bad night (263)

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