Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.