Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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