My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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