this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.