I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize