Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
