We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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