I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
