things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have fence marks all over my body
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
