I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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