I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
