I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
