i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
