TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
