How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
