i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Vodka?
Forever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
