lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
