Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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