So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
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the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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