The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
