I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
