i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
