I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
